


Lukewarm

by storygatherer (zetsubou69)



Category: Dir en grey, Jrock, X JAPAN
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-25
Updated: 2019-02-25
Packaged: 2019-11-05 11:09:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,022
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17917625
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zetsubou69/pseuds/storygatherer
Summary: Yoshiki is one (hot sexy man) an iceberg and Kyo needs litres of warm love. And they both are mere human beings.





	Lukewarm

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted: Jul. 17th, 2010 at 12:39 PM

He never told anyone what's inside of his sketchbook, where he writes notes and scores and melodies whenever he can't (or doesn't want to) reach any computer or mobile or any other paper.

He describes his pain whenever he can - it's the only thing that brings him release. His work, his notes, his music.

A week later, his hand was touching ice that loves to burn his fingertips and to leave marks deep inside.

Next soul freezing winter came, as sharp metal tooth cut his skin and touched his bare spine.

And few tears fell down as the pain came in waves, when even anaesthetic ceased to have some effect on him. He cries silently, gritting his teeth, even here, in this vulnerable state not willing to show any sign of weakness.

As soon as it's over, he comes home, no more evidence of his pain is visible. His eyes are bright, as he smiles he shows his perfect teeth and to every: "How are you, Hayashi-san? Was the surgery successful?" he answers with widening his smile a little and "I'm feeling well, thank you. What's new?"

Maybe they suspect something is not all right, as he locks himself in the studio immediately, not letting anyone disturb him, not even to make him coffee or to make him eat something.

But he doesn't care.

 

*

 

They are laying next to each other, enjoying the precious moments together. Kyo's lips are slowly tracing his collarbone, tiny fingers unbuttoning his shirt and he raises his left hand to touch golden silk-like hair, but his fingertips suddenly turn numb, muscles refusing to work.

Golden strands slip between his fingers without him even noticing it, because there's just numbness and needles of pain in his arm, in his spine, and as he moves.

He hisses in pain which refuses to leave.

Then Kyo's palm gently touches his cheek.

"Everything alright?"

And Yo-san smiles artificially.

"Everything's as perfect as it can be."

After all, he's not lying.

Is he?

 

*

 

He wasn't at the studio. Kyo checked.

Nor he was accompanying his piano. Kyo checked twice.

The bathroom was empty. No one was enjoying hot water along with calming music.

The TV was turned off,  even on their days off, they weren't able to just take a seat on a couch and enjoy some stupid film.

The kitchen was cleaned, empty, unused, the only evidence, that somebody was here, was a mug of cold green tea, Yoshiki left completely forgotten.

Finally, he found him.

In his personal gym, trying to exhaust his body as much as possible.

"You said you will be relaxing tonight."

Bottle of water and fresh towel is handed in the elder's direction.

Yoshiki accepts with a nod, then he makes use of both.

"I couldn't sleep. And I needed to work."

Poor excuse. But what to expect from this workaholic?

"You've had enough for today."

Does Kyo expect Yo-san to obey and go back with him?

Yoshiki just sighs and gets up from the piano bench, his hand automatically raising to massage his sore neck spine.

"It' 3 am. Take a shower and return to bed. I'll give you a massage."

Yoshiki just now can realize how much sleepy Kyo really looks.

"It's fine, it'll go away."

Kyo just shrugs his shoulders and climbs back onto the bed.

Later as his lover joins him, smaller man's hands search for a warm body.

"Why did you came for me? Why weren't you sleeping?"

Kyo just blinks at him, then closes his eyes.

"Just my insomnia. And a cold bed. Now sleep."

  

*

 

Maybe they could choose a better time or place for this, but why should they?

More precisely - why should Kyo? Especially if the feeling keeps on eating him from within?

Morning coffee is slowly turning cold as Yoshiki finishes his one without realizing Kyo hasn't touched his breakfast.

"Sometimes I feel like you don't need me anymore. Like it's time for me to let go of you, because you don't even want me."

Yoshiki stops typing and places his phone onto the table.

"What makes you believe so?"

Kyo stares out of the window for a while, then he whispers.

"You."

Neither of them likes the heavy silence that sets in.

"I'm never letting you go away. Never."

Yes, these words sound nice.

But Kyo doesn't believe. Not now. Not these words.

He doesn't believe anything.

Not even himself - and he realizes that he's at the beginning. Again.

 

*

 

Later the night they're just laying under one big blanket as Yoshiki starts tracing Kyo's face with butterfly-like kisses.

"Believe me, Kyo. I love you with all my heart. I'm never to let go of you."

Words whispered over and over again.

Kyo snuggles closer and closes his eyes.

"I love you, Tooru."

Those arms around him... and all the tension, all the fear, it's finally gone.

  

*

 

They're back home, yet he leaves Kyo in his bedroom without a word, almost running into the bathroom, letting lukewarm water attack his skin.

Kyo doesn't understand.

He just patiently waits for him.

Yoshiki's soft footsteps echo through the night and he reaches to turn on the lamp.

"Don't..."

Thus they stay in dark.

Pianist lays beside him and Kyo's hands naturally reach out for him.

The body he gets to touch is tense, and not even a little warm, as one would expect after a long bath.

There's soft kiss placed on Kyo's hand, but no fingers hurry to undress him.

Suddenly there are strong arms around him, clutching on him, almost suffocating him, and he thanks God Yoshiki's not stronger and Kyo loves to be held. Kyo's arms naturally find their place on the older man’s back, dry palms caressing still wet and smooth skin.

There's hot wet breath teasing his bare neck and his deaf left ear as Yoshiki hides his face in Kyo's hair and the crook of his neck.

It takes him just moment to realize that something's out of order. Wrong.

Yoshiki's chest shakes a little and Kyo realizes what is wrong.

The wetness on his neck isn't caused by breathing.

Yoshiki is crying.


End file.
